DELUSIONS OF COOLNESS

Boy-oh-boy, Miracle Whip, the not-quite-mayonnaise, has a hip new ad campaign running. Apparently, they are vying for most totally extreeeeeeeeeem condiment status.

The Television spot features a bunch of ultra-cool twenty-somethings running around doing incomprehensible, ultra-cool, twenty-something, rave-type happening stuff. Complete with the standard MTV jiggly camera work. (Yeah, they spend millions on these spots and then try to convince us it was shot by a couple of kids with a cellphone camera)

At the end of all the cool, happenin' stuff comes the big tag line; 'We are Miracle Whip, and we're NOT gonna tone it down!"

For real.

That's like saying; "We are Twinkies, and we're hardcore to the bone!"

This DESERVES someone like me standing up, pointing to it and saying: "Ha, HA! that's lame." And I'm just the someone like me to do it, too. I'll even do it again: "Ha, HA! that's so lame."

I can think of other limp, sissy items that might benefit from this approach. 98lb weaklings, Johnson's no-more-tears baby shampoo and don't forget tofu.

Maybe the next commercial spot could feature Hells Angels passing around a plate of quarter-cut sandwiches slathered with Miracle Whip. The tag line might be: "Four out of Five hardcore bikers prefer Miracle Whip."