Sunday, October 27, 2013

DAYLIGHT SAVINGS CRIME

WARNING: BLOOD DEPRESSURIZATION IN PROGRESS

Among America's Founding Fathers why does the name of Benjamen Franklin stand out? I mean, he didn't defeat the British Army, like Washington. He didn't compose the Declaration of Independence, like Jefferson. Other than womanizing around France just what did Benny do? Think about it. Of all the names appended to that famous declaration, I'll bet the only one you're sure of is John Hancock. All the others have faded into the mists of time. So why do we remember Franklin?

I figure he had the greatest Press Agent in history. None of his myriad disasters were ever held against him. Every time he flopped face-first into the mud he came up smelling of roses. Don't believe me? Ha! That's because you are just another in the long line of suckers taken in by Franklin's Press Agent. Allow me to adduce some evidence.



First; Poor Richard's Almanac. Franklin wrote and edited that scandalous rag. I mean, c'mon! Aren't there already billions of poor people in the world? Do we really need an "Almanac for Dummies" to HELP people get poor? Hardly. But Benny's Press Agent made sure this piece of yellow journalism went down in history as some sort of great literature.





B; Franklin's Electric Kite. What a monstrous toy that was. "Here son, look what I got for your birthday. Why don't you go out and fly it in this storm? Be sure to hold on to the key!" ...And you thought lawn darts were dangerous. But does Franklin get any blame? Never. Why, he's a great American Inventor; that's what he is. Again, good press saves a shoddy reputation.


But the absolute cruelest invention Franklin ever foisted upon the young republic was Daylight Savings Time.
This evil concept still causes untold misery across these United States. Oh, sure; everybody loves Fall Back. Set your clocks back one hour and deceive your body. You can even stay up late and squander that extra hour. The next morning you'll wake up feeling great. Your body will thank you for "sleeping in." And you'll continue to enjoy that great feeling as your body grows accustomed to this luxury... Like a diver sinking deeper into the rapturous ocean depths. Ahh, the peaceful sleep of the long winter months.

Then Spring arrives. It's a time of rejoicing. Winter's icy grip begins to thaw and the world is fertile and green once more. Skip, tra-la! Yeah, but don't forget Mister Franklin's ticking time bomb. Like a diver coming to the surface without decompression, you suddenly lose an hour of sleep. Horror! Your body writhes in agony. "Why, oh why, are you doing this to me?" It's like Guido the Enforcer shows up at your door and beats those wonderful winter months of slumber out of your body.

Phooey! It's all a cruel joke, and I'm not looking forward to starting the cycle again this week. You may hail Benjamin Franklin as one of our greatest Founding fathers. I think his Press Agent just did a great job of image-building on an historic blunderer.

2 comments:

medinamom said...

I agree! We need to just go back to normal time, God's time, and forget Ole Ben. After all, if anyone needs an extra hour of light, that is why we have lightbulbs!!

Don the Baptist said...

Funny, Franklin promoted the idea on the basis that it would save candle tallow.