Observations From Hadleyville: WEEKENDS ARE FOR FUN 20

Friday, December 21, 2007

WEEKENDS ARE FOR FUN 20

Gary Ralph, if you're out there, this one's for you...

Thirty years ago I spent the Christmas season working in Wal Mart's original warehouse in Bentonville Arkansas. Back then Wal Mart had, oh, say 126 stores in eight states. I thought they were huge. Now we boast three Wal Mart Super Centers and a boring old regular Wal Mart right here in California's Antelope Valley.

My friend Gary Ralph and I worked loading trucks full of merchandise. As the workers of ages past have done, we sang to alleviate our sufferings (yes, suffering; those trucks got HOT in the summer and COLD in the winter) As Christmas neared, we began making up Christmas Carols suitable for Wal Mart employees. I thought I'd provide a partial list for your amusement:

FORKLIFT BELLS
HERE COMES SAM WALTON
O LITTLE TOWN OF BENTONVILLE
THE TWELVE DAYS OF WAL MART
And my personal favorite...
DECK THE BOSS AND YOU'LL GET FIRED

Merry Christmas!

3 comments:

Don the Baptist said...: As best I can remember...

FORKLIFT BELLS:

Forklift bells
My boss yells
Freight comes down the way!

HERE COMES SAM WALTON:

Here comes Sam Walton
Here comes Sam Walton
Right Down Bentonville Way

O LITTLE TOWN OF BENTONVILLE:

O little town of Bentonville
How still we see thee lie
Upon thy deep and sleepless streets
The Wal Mart trucks go by
Yet in thy dark streets shineth
The everlasting Buck
The hope and fears of all the years
Are loaded on those trucks

TWELVE DAYS OF WAL MART:

On my first day at Wal MArt what did my eyes see?
a forklift ridden by three

On my second day at Wal Mart, what did my eyes see?
two broken cases and a forklift ridden by three

On my third day at Wal MArt what did my eyes see?
three bosses griping, two broken cases and a forklift ridden by three

On my fourth day at Wal Mart what did my eyes see?
four people fired, three bosses griping, two broken cases and a forklift ridden by three

On my fifth day at Wal Mart what did my eyes see?
FIIIIIIVE moldy frings! etc.

DECK THE BOSS:

Deck the boss and you'll get fired
Fa-la-la-la-la, La-la-la-la!!
Working here makes me so tired
Fa-la-la-la-la, La-la-la-la!!
Loading trucks and dodging bosses
Fa-la-la! La-la-la, La-la-la-la!!
Get your check and count your losses
Fa-la-la-la-la, La-la-la-la!!

OH! I just remembered one more...

Ho-Ho-HO, I WOULDN'T GO!

Out on the dock when I get board
Out comes gold old (fill in fictitious name for legal indemnity reasons)
Up to the office lickity-split
To see old(fill in fictitious name for legal indemnity reasons)and slap my wrists
Ho-Ho-Ho! I wouldn't go
Ho-Ho-Ho! I wouldn't go-o
Up to the office click, click, click
Back down the stairs with my severance check; December 21, 2007 at 9:50 AM
Stephanie P. said...: That is brilliant!! Makes me wish I'd written my own ditties while slaving away at Food Avenue at Tar-GAY!; December 21, 2007 at 10:16 AM
Kathleen Flynn said...: Got anything for Kumbaya?; December 23, 2007 at 5:54 PM

Post a Comment

QUASI-LEGAL DISCLAIMER

Don the Baptist considers himself to be both intellectually deep and extremely humorous. Don the Baptist assumes no responsibility for blog browsers who cannot tell the difference between the two. Blog browsers are advised to consider any "Observations from Hadleyville" content that makes no sense to be the result of a lack of intellect or sense of humor on the part of the blog browser and not that of the blogger. Don the Baptist is a non profit guy so don't bother suing Don the Baptist as it would be a waste of time and resources.

WORDS OF WISDOM FOR WRITERS

The secret of becoming a writer is that you have to write. You have to write a lot. You also have to finish what you write, even though no one wants it yet. If you don't learn to finish your work, no one will ever want to see it. The biggest mistake new writers make is carrying around copies of unfinished work to inflict on their friends.

I am sure it has been done with less, but you should be prepared to write and throw away a million words of finished material. By finished, I mean completed, done, ready to submit, and written as well as you know how at the time you wrote it.
-Jerry Pournelle

WHAT'S THIS HADLEYVILLE THING?

Those of you familiar with Mark Twain’s works might recognize my blog title. As Samuel Clemons grew older, he became increasingly disillusioned with humanity. Towards the end he began referring to the Damned Human Race; employing the secular and religious epithet at one stroke.

I find I’ve not reached that level of despair myself. I still believe in redemption and I still see signs of nobility even among we fallen, damned creatures. So, I could not bring myself to call this blog “On the Damned Human Race.” I do however, resonate with another of Clemmons stories; “The Man That Corrupted Hadleyburg.” And viola, there you have it. “Observations From Hadleyville.”