Saturday, June 2, 2012
WEEKENDS ARE FOR FUN: ACROSS THE NATION
*You make $250,000 a year and you still can't afford to buy a house.
*The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cellphone.
*The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
*You know how to eat an artichoke.
*You drive to your neighborhood block party.
*When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
*You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
*You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
*You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
*You think Central Park is "nature".
*You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
*You've worn out a car horn.
*You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
*You get a movie and bait in the same store.
*"y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
*After a year of living in the same place you still hear,"You ain't from 'round here, are ya?"
*"He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
*Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, MarySue, Fay Nell
*You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
*You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the daycare center.
*A pass does not involve a football or dating.
*The top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail.
*You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
*Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
*You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
*You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
*When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different."
*You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and Tabasco.
*Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
*You have more than one recipe for moose.
*Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
*The four seasons are: winter, still winter, not-quite-winter, and almost winter